So this last 9 days has been about recovering from 3 days out in the forest, camping on some phamily land and enjoying the company, music, and sharing food, laughter, and good medicine. However, the yellow flies bit the heck out of me, and I still have itchy bites that are taking their time healing. I’ve had to actually “pop” a few and get the pus out so the itching stops. I think it is going to be a while before I chance it out in the forest again for a while…… 3 days of fun and more than 3 times as many days to recover. Yay Fibromyalgia!!! *sigh*
The first two days home I mostly slept, with attempts to bring my gear in from the car a bit at a time, and then when it was all in, getting it cleaned up and reorganized for next time. Slowly I have been recovering, but I haven’t gotten any real energy back yet and I’m not sure that I’m going to. Not taking my vitamins every day doesn’t help any, but I have this memory that doesn’t hold on to much any more so forgetting to take them is a frequent occurrence. Notes don’t help, either…. they got misplaced or moved and that does it for that. Over the last few days I’ve managed to get some things done around here… one morning I cleaned up the kitchen, took the plants from there outside for the summer, and put up a bamboo blind to try and cut down some of the sun that is coming in; another morning I was only able to do a couple of loads of laundry and I was wiped; today Chris helped me to put up 3 bamboo blinds outside, and I rearranged and cleaned up the porch area, getting it ready for the 3-shelf planter and the plants that Mom is giving me (she and Dad sold their house and are moving to a much smaller place, and she doesn’t want the responsibility of caring for them anymore), as well as going through some more of my camp stuff and re-organizing it (I’m founding out a little more each time I camp what is really needed and what is just extra weight), and that is it for today. I am now officially wooped, although I feel “the day isn’t even 1/2 over and already you are wiped?”, but that is how I feel every day and it is something I’m getting used to. One of these days I”ll accept that I do the best that I can each day, and if it is “nothing” in comparison to what others do, then well it is alright because to me it was a Great Something, and I’m grateful that I had the energy to do even that.
No new word on my Disability claim (I started it almost 2 months ago, filled out all the paperwork, had my psych evaluation and my physical evaluation) – I know it is a waiting game. I expect to be denied, and then we will appeal. If I am denied again, I’ll appeal again, because I cannot work (hell I can’t even get through a day at home with no other responsibilities than to care for the home itself) and our household certainly needs the money. I am grateful for a home, transportation for Rob to get to work, and the ability to pay our utility/grocery/gasoline bills/needs, please let me state that first. I am also grateful that I am not more ill than I presently am (things could be a lot worse, I know). I am definitely learning how to live life without money, and frankly, it isn’t so bad — I’m very much aware of what is important and not important in my life (hence the massive purging of STUFF that I’ve been doing over the last 6 months or so), but I would like to be able to attend some of the events that happen in my life without having to worry “are we going to be able to make the mortage or the car payment if we do this?” I suppose that eventually even that will disappear as either I will no longer have an interest in those things because I know in advance I cannot afford them, or our lives will change in such a manner that the means to be able to attend will make itself available. We’ll see.
Enough for today.
